


Voice

by aragamiBAE



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 14:37:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6758065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aragamiBAE/pseuds/aragamiBAE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'When a singer loses his voice, he's just worthless trash.' He mouthed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Voice

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning: mentions of suicide and depression.
> 
> riku is angsty, very angsty. no happy happy sunshine boy in this one.  
> no one should let me write at 2am in the morning. i love making them suffer.  
> riku might seem kinda ooc because of angst but tbh depression will do that to you. no joke.
> 
> i only proofread this like once so i apologize for any grammatical errors. also it's currently 3.35am so i think a couple of grammar errors have befallen me already so
> 
> ALSO this is kinda like ioriku but not really since it's not much of ioriku rather than just riku with a sprinkle of iori and this isn't supposed to be romantic god damn it it's 2am angst so i didnt put ioriku in the relationships tag.
> 
> ALSO ALSO if youre wondering why tenn isnt in this, im wondering too. i mean i feel like tenn kinda should care about his little bro but he'd rather not go back to the nanase household since he like left it so. awkward.
> 
> REMINDER, this is 2am angst. im currently not in the right state of mind to determine whether this story is actually kinda decent or not bUT MY SLEEPINESS SAYS IT'S OKAY SO IT SHOULD BE FINE.
> 
> enjoy this multitude of sins.

  Following their great success and victory at the annual Black or White music festival, as well as the many other concerts and lives they’ve participated in, IDOLiSH7 became one of top idol groups in a few years. However, as the fan base grows, so does the opposition.  
  
  Nanase Riku became a victim of an acid attack by a zealous hater, and as a result, his vocal cords were so badly damaged that he was rendered effectively mute. He had no choice but to leave IDOLiSH7, and even though the rest of the members didn’t want to let him go, they knew that he had no future as an idol in the harsh entertainment industry.  
  
  Izumi Iori was devastated by the sheer unfairness of this unforgiving world. The one he promised to make a superstar, was now branded as nothing more than a fallen idol. Despite being one of the most down-to-earth member in the group, he begged and pleaded for Riku to stay.  
  
  ‘I’m sorry.’ was all Riku could mouth, before he left Takanashi Productions for good.

 

  ‘When a singer loses his voice, he will be just a burden to others.’  
  
  Riku moved back home, and his parents welcomed him with warm, loving arms. They tried their very best to make sure that their child wasn’t at all disadvantaged; They picked up sign language together with Riku, bought him a tablet that he could use to communicate with others and made sure that he wasn’t feeling lonely. Of course, being the ever appreciative redhead that he was, he took it all with a smile, which relieved his parents. However, the tiniest amount of darkness flickered within him. Because all he could do was smile.  
  
  ‘When a singer loses his voice, his true feelings will never be known.’

 

  Riku decided to continue studying, as he was supposed to before he was approached by Takanashi Senior. His friends, though they were at a higher level of study, readily accepted him back into their close circle. Though at first it seemed that all was back to normal, Riku quickly realized that he was lagging far behind the others. The moment he was done typing out his thoughts into his device, they were already talking about another topic. As this issue occurred more and more frequently, he gave up sharing his opinion and resigned himself to simply listening to others, smiling as he did so.  
  
  ‘When a singer loses his voice, no one will hear him out.’  
  
  Despite being cast out of showbiz for almost a year, he was still being treated with almost the same amount of attention like when he was an idol, though with a vast difference in treatment.  
  
  “Hey, isn’t that Nanase Riku? The one who can’t sing anymore?”  
  
  “I feel really sorry for Riku…”  
  
  “IDOLiSH7 is much better without that talentless person.”

  “Thank god he’s a mute now, he sucked at singing anyway.”

 

  Riku could never hold his head up high, and made himself as inconspicuous as possible whenever he had to go out. As the amount of gossip that targeted him never seemed to fade away, he slowly started to think that perhaps, he really was an untalented extra in Idolish7. That idea started to gnaw away at him as days went by, but he couldn’t do a single thing about it, because he felt that it was true. And yet, he never failed to flash a smile whenever someone talked behind his back. It seem to be natural instinct by now.  
  
  ‘When a singer loses his voice, people will inevitably judge him even though he did nothing wrong.’  
  
  Whenever Iori came by the Nanase household, Riku would always manage to avoid him. If he saw him at the door, Riku would immediately walk the other way and wait at a nearby café until he was sure Iori was gone. If he was in the house when Iori popped up, he would simply pretend that he was asleep and lock the door to his room. Despite his parents’ warm welcome to his supposed friend, Riku would only give a cold reception and nothing more. He was absolutely determined to shun Iori until possibly the end of time, because he was afraid that Iori would hate him for leaving everything they worked for behind like a coward. And once he was left vulnerable by Iori’s sharp tongue, he was afraid that his own darkness would consume him.

 

  ‘When a singer loses his voice, people will never understand him.’

 

  Every night, Riku would have trouble sleeping, even if nothing troubling was bothering him that day. After months of sadness, loneliness, and anger constantly tormented him, his cheerful mask was bound to crumble and break. His night would simply start off with just one dark thought, and his mind would begin to overload with all the heavy darkness he had been dragging along.  
  
  ‘I’m useless.’  
  
  ‘A burden.’  
  
  ‘There’s no real reason for me to be here.’  
  
  ‘A shitty person like me would be better off dead right?’  
  
  ‘Someone who is mute has no value. Absolutely worthless. Wasting air.’  
  
  ‘No way should I even be alive I should just die why am I still here it hurts the judging eyes I’m so worthless please help me I don’t want to live they hate me I’d be better off dead please end my life someone I hate my life why did this happen to me I must kill myself I’m so useless I can’t even live properly I’m a waste of space someone please kill me please kill me pleasekillmepleasekillmepleasekillmepleasekillme-‘

 

  Riku gasped for air, his chest in so much pain he could barely breathe. He writhed around in his bed, suicidal thoughts attacking him one after the other. His hands were either pulling on his hair or roughly scratching his skin, while his eyes flooded with tears that constantly ran down his cheeks. He bit, slapped, punched, whatever that could possibly inflict some kind of physical pain on himself, as a pointless effort to retain some sort of consciousness within his downward spiral into insanity. After what seemed like ages, Riku would simply be too exhausted to continue fighting his inner war, and unknowingly falls asleep while still having sinister thoughts.

 

  ‘When a singer loses his voice, his downfall will be brought about by himself.’  


* * *

 

  After months of incurable pain, Riku felt totally numb and decided that he had reached his limits. He knew that his parents would be out at this time of this day, and he quickly got to work, with not even a little shred of emotion. Riku grabbed a thick rope that he had stashed away deep into his closet, and began to tie it into a noose.  
  
  At the same time, Iori was on his way back from work when he met the Nanase parents. Despite knowing that Riku was avoiding him, he still believed that one day, the redhead would open up to him. He understood that it must have felt hopeless to have your entire life taken away from you by fate, and that Riku needed every bit of time to recover. At the insistence of the Nanase parents, he decided to visit their household once more.  
  
  Riku attached the noose to the overhead fan, making sure that the whole thing wouldn’t collapse when he hung his weight on it. He left a note on his desk, and began climbing onto a chair, positioning his neck in the noose.  
  
  _‘This is it.’_  
  
   And he kicked away the chair.  
  
  When Iori stepped into the house, he suddenly felt a shiver down his spine. The house was eerily quiet despite it being the middle of the day, and without thinking, he called out Riku’s name.  
  
  Riku froze once he heard Iori’s voice, and only one rather contrasting thought flashed through his mind as he helplessly choked.  
  
  ‘I want to see Iori.’  
  
  Iori’s bad feeling multiplied the longer he waited in front of Riku’s room, so he cautiously opened the door, only to be greeted by an unbelievable sight.  
  
  Riku’s heart sank as the door was opened, because it meant that his attempt was a failure. However, the fact that Iori was the one that desperately got Riku down was something he thought was a miracle that was bestowed upon his tired, fragile soul.  
  
  “Why did you do that, Nanase-san?! Why did you try to kill yourself?!”  
  
  Riku exercised his right to remain silent, though at this point it was the only thing he could do.  
  
  “Think about everyone you’re leaving behind! Come on Nanase-san, why don’t you say somethi-! Ah… I…”  
  
  Riku smiled.  
  
  ‘When a singer loses his voice, he’s just worthless trash.’ He mouthed.

 

  The tears running down his face betrayed his crumbling facade.


End file.
